The thought: Am I happy here?
Victorian Still Life With Apple Blossoms by Martin Johnson Heade
I’ve always known that I was happier in the summer but it has only just dawned on me that it may also be necessary for my happiness. I was watching a film of oranges growing in someone’s backyard in some tropical paradise and it made me feel homesick. I kept thinking I don’t have enough money for that and I would miss my sister too much but she lives in another city and I hardly see her. We talk on the phone all the time so all I would really need is a good long distance plan. My mother would hate this! Money stops me doing everything. I don’t have a baby because I don’t have enough money and it would be irresponsible besides I’m not married. I don’t know if I fully believe one ought to be married to have children but I do believe children do better with two parents but what is to stop me packing-up my belongings for sunnier shores. I’ll more than likely make a list of pros and cons that will end with me popping down to the research library to find out how to create an orangery in my tiny back yard. I wish I had the courage to simply take my life savings and just go. Sadly, I won’t for I’m too sensible besides I have an obligation to my future self to take care of our retirement.
My love, my care,