Friday, August 12, 2011

Until then...

I look forward to putting you behind me.

Portrait of Achille de Gas in Uniform by Edgar Degas

Today is precisely as yesterday and still I’m content to live in our misery for now I’m but marking time. I’ve already decided to leave you but why it should be for this thing that is no different from the other awful things we have been party to when we were so long heading here. I know you won’t struggle against my going when the time comes or shed tear nor will you visit or so I hope for I wouldn’t want to be the heavy who had to hold you accountable, yet again. I’m praying you will have grace enough to allow me a clean break without thought for yourself. Be concerned for me this once, wear it as duty for it was after all meant to have been just so. But then ours was never as it should have been, so starting now I will steel myself against your need with the hope you will let me be. No more will I offer you care in my hour of need. Going forth you are to be stranger allowed the kind indifference and genial consideration without row or contentious attempt to understand your hurting me time and again.
My love my care,