Thursday, October 6, 2011

Suddenly the impossible...

Someone who knows me completely

If I were to marry it would be to someone to whom I was able to show all the awful bits of me. All the deep dark secrets pieces that I keep hidden in order to save face and protect heart. The tender vulnerable little girl parts of me that won’t let anyone see her cry and who leaves before she can get hurt or never bothers getting too involved because she is too afraid. I don’t know I’m capable of it and understand that it is an ideal that could easily be lost to want for children or fear of being alone. I’m at least self-aware enough to know it would take me trusting enough to let go my control and being honest.

Anne-Louis Girodet de Roucy-Triosson's Hortense de Beauharnais

This would not be easy for me and not because I’m unwilling but because it is fundamentally who I am and fundamental to the person I’ve grown into. In my family keeping secrets is a mitzvah and as romantic as I am I'm able to see with clarity the woman I’ve become. She is no less than a perversion of the ideal girl I wish I was but never was capable of being. I will more than likely marry without having shared more than the necessary bits and sadly it will be enough.

I hope against all that I’m wrong

My love my care,
Simone

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Nine Years

Nelson Shanks' Bluebird


I haven’t seen the man of my life in 197 days. I think of him no less than twice in every breath which is half has much the amount of times I glance at the door expecting him to enter. I’m well aware of how pathetic it makes me and still I take solace in it for missing him is all that remains. Well that and my increasing understanding that we will never be.
My love my care,
Simone

Monday, September 5, 2011

Jews for Mel Gibson...

And other out of the way rubbish said when in company with my provoking sister. It started with me telling her about some lecture I saw on youtube by some Harvard don on justice. The question presented by the academic was this – ‘if placed in circumstance where one is to choose between the lives of many verses than of one what would you choose?’ My first thought had not been one of logic but of heart and it was what could I live with plain and simple. I would choose one but I would do all I could including jumping in front of the cart to save that individuals life.


Erik Suidman's De Bezoekers

For this answer I was rewarded with a little tale of a town called happy or some such nonsense where all the residence of this ideal godforsaken fictional town rest on the misery of one child locked in a dark pit. Just you imagine it a place where your child is safe to play outdoors unattended without fear of harm and nothing bad ever appends all thanks to the sacrifice of one wretched child that is not permit kindness or the humane.

I love my sister but there are times when I wish she would simple be quiet and let me enjoy my blissful ignorance. Like this time I was reading this article on Mel Gibson’s comeback when she said, ‘I should stop reading fairy tales.’ This got me so mad I said, ‘It’s possible you know, all it would take is for some powerful Jew like say Harvey Weinstein or Steven Spielberg to wear a Jew for Mel t-shirt.’ I’m pretty sure that was blasphemous and a thousand other awful things still there is no one I would rather spend an afternoon with.

My love my care,
Simone

Friday, August 26, 2011

Louis Ritman


Louis Ritman's Early Morning Sunshine (At the Window, Giverny)

For to me his painting of the female form reads as sacred. Most often bath in light always treated with respect. When it comes to art I know what I like on sight and I truly adore Mr. Ritman’s work. I always come back to the ones who leave an impression and he my dears have left light on canvas but more than that is the hearts delight.

His 'Lady by a Window' is one my absolute favorites
My love my care,
Simone

Friday, August 12, 2011

Until then...

I look forward to putting you behind me.

Portrait of Achille de Gas in Uniform by Edgar Degas

Today is precisely as yesterday and still I’m content to live in our misery for now I’m but marking time. I’ve already decided to leave you but why it should be for this thing that is no different from the other awful things we have been party to when we were so long heading here. I know you won’t struggle against my going when the time comes or shed tear nor will you visit or so I hope for I wouldn’t want to be the heavy who had to hold you accountable, yet again. I’m praying you will have grace enough to allow me a clean break without thought for yourself. Be concerned for me this once, wear it as duty for it was after all meant to have been just so. But then ours was never as it should have been, so starting now I will steel myself against your need with the hope you will let me be. No more will I offer you care in my hour of need. Going forth you are to be stranger allowed the kind indifference and genial consideration without row or contentious attempt to understand your hurting me time and again.
My love my care,
Simone

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Professional opinion

Believe me it works!

Rolf Armstrong's Golden Girl

Don’t just drag something on; now and then get dress with purpose. Trust your mirror and think I’m attractive. If I feel good I’m more likely to smile and the chain reaction from that simple gesture can be life changing or at the very least it will make you feel better. This works for your home too. Dress your bedroom for purpose or your kitchen for that matter. This is good advice.
My love my care,
Simone

Monday, July 25, 2011

The Perfect Man Is:


Quick to laugh with a killer smile
Tall
Independent
Eloquent
Kind
He is fit with a six pack
Well read and of proper books too, none of this Malcolm Gladwell popular fiction nonsense
A Professional
Good with his hands
A Yogi
And Masseuse
A baby whisperer
Tantric sex master
Chef
Plays the piano
Volunteers
Parallel parks with one hand
Love foreign films
Is a world traveler and is multilingual.
The Perfect man is more than a renaissance man he is pure fiction.

John Frederick Kensett's Sunset on the Sea
My care my love,
Simone